I've been putting off this post for a few days now because I know it's going to be a bit rambly and long. It's also a big look into my mindset and I was a little nervous about sharing that with the world. (Don't say I didn't warn you)

After my awesome 5K last weekend, I got all excited to register for races again. So I started looking for anything of any distance.

I put together this list:

GW Equal Justice Foundation's 5K Race for Justice (Nov. 9) -- My friend's a GW Law student and wants me to do this one. Plus I could potentially use it as my smooth time for the challenge.
Celtic Solstice Five Miler (Dec. 20) -- This comes highly recommended from a girl I work with and apparently the race jacket is sweet.
National Marathon (Mar. 21) -- We'll discuss this in more detail below.
Frederick Half Marathon -- (May 3) I want to do the Maryland Double (The Frederick Running Festival and the Baltimore Running Festival)
ZOOMA Annapolis Half Marathon (May 31) -- Annapolis is a beautiful city, I think it'd be sweet to run a race there.
Baltimore 10-Miler (Mid-June) I DNS'd this last year because I hurt my knee and I'd like to go after it again.

I love my entire potential schedule (I don't however love the dent it will leave in my wallet, but whatever, I'll deal.)

Except thoughts of the marathon are almost making me sick to my stomach. I have five million questions running through my head about it.

Here's what's going on inside my brain:

I want to do another full.
But do I want to dedicate all the time to training?
Do I have a reason not to dedicate the time?
Football season and tailgates will be over and won't get in the way of Saturday long runs. Therefore I have no real excuse not to run.
Running in the winter sucks because days are shorter and forces many runs to be done on a treadmill.
It sucks running in the cold, but it also sucks running in the middle of summer heat.
Do I want to commit to it?
If I don't will I feel like a slacker for doing the half when a bunch of other people are doing the full?

Training for marathons makes me really selfish.
I have to block out large chunks of time to do training runs.
It puts a strain on all my friendships and other relationships.
Do I want to do that?

I'm also worried about my travel schedule.
My friends want me to visit on the weekends and I love doing it.
Will they love it when I have to get up and run and someone has to give me a key or wait for me to get back to their places before they can start their days?
Will I or my friends by happy with the alternative of me not going to visit?

But really why am I so worried?
My friends were nothing but supportive last time.
They made me signs and cheered for me.
My roommate bragged about me to all her friends.
They thought it was so cool I was running a marathon.

But for some reason this one feels different and I don't know why. But it's got me worried. I want to do 26.2 again. I read somewhere once that your brain had to forget the pain of last marathon before the body let you train for another. I think I'm there. I think I'm ready.

My times have been improving, my running in general has been improving. I've come a really long way in 2.5 years of running and I know I can improve my marathon times if I were to tackle another one.

So why the hell do I have all these reservations? What is holding me back from being as spontaneous as I was sophomore year of college. When I signed up for that marathon, I sat down at my computer, pulled out my credit card, punched in the number and hit submit. At the point it was done and I was in training. Why can't I do that now.

I've studied the race course, I've read everything on the Web site numerous times. I've sat on the registration page and then hit the X.

Sometimes I wish I could be more like Frayed Laces. Seriously that girl is like my running hero. Somehow she manages to be a 20-something running superstar and balance her social life and her PhD program and her training. The girl is dedicated and motivated, and isn't afraid to put her running above other stuff. I used to be like that when I was marathon training, but somewhere along the line I think it started to fade. I'm not sure where or why or how, all I know is I need to get it back if I want to do this marathon. (P.S. Frayed if you can bottle that up and send it my way that'd be awesome LOL!)

I guess that's my rant. Apologies for the length and thanks bunches if you stuck through it to the end.