So last spring when I was all excited about running and racing, I signed up for a whole bunch of races this fall, and I was so excited to do all of them.

But then I struggled through my first round of training in the summer.

I did my best and wasn't planning to break any records at my first race of the fall -- a half marathon. I just wanted to have some fun with friends, which I did.



But then when I tried to bounce back and keep up my running for the rest of the races, my knee problems set in, and I found myself scratching race after race from my calendar.

Part of me is obviously sad and frustrated that I haven't been able to run, but a small part of me is also relieved to have an excuse to not run all these races.



My heart hasn't really been in running lately. I don't know why. I don't know if it's a phase, if it's running itself, or if it's just racing that I'm over. I used to live for distance running and registering for races and collecting an insane number of medals. But lately, I haven't been feeling it.

Sure there are a million ways I could "fix" this. Find friends to run with, mix things up, focus on shorter races, etc. etc.



But I don't know that it's a problem that needs fixing or if it's even something I want to fix.

I've been enjoying spin class and doing other things to get my fitness fix. But it's weird because running in many ways was and is such a huge part of my identity. (See, for example, the name of this blog.)

If I take running out of the equation, or step away from it for a little bit to focus on other things, then what?

Running used to bring me such joy. I loved it so much. But after a few years of battling injuries, a lot of that joy has slipped away. Now I just feel like I should be running because it's what I'm supposed to do. I mean after all, I'm that crazy runner girl who gets her kicks from amassing an insane number of miles. Right?



I haven't run a single mile in more than two weeks because of my knee, and honestly, I don't miss it that much. Or maybe it's that I don't miss being tied to a training plan or having some race looming over my head.

I'm not really sure. But I do know I like the feeling of not having to run all the time. I like doing other things right now, like spinning. But I don't think I want to step away from running for forever.

Maybe for now, I just need to let myself do the workouts I'm in the mood for, whether it be running or spin or yoga or whatever. And I definitely need to stop throwing money at race entry fees for races I end up not being able to run.

Sometimes I don't know how I'd get through the tough stuff in life without my workouts and the endorphins they bring with them.

On Wednesday, some shit hit the proverbial fan if you will. It's nothing life or death that I'm talking about, just some bad, really hard-to-deal-with stuff.

And honestly, I haven't been myself since it happened.

So today, I forced myself to do the one thing that might bring some sense of normalcy back to my life -- get back into that Monday night spin class I've really started to love.

I wasn't sure how much I'd be able to push it on the bike. I haven't been eating much because of the stress, but I figured I'd go to get myself out of the house, around other people, and just see what I could do.

I certainly didn't crank the tension, but I was able to get my legs moving and take my mind off the bad crap for an hour. Plus, the endorphins are still flowing and they're doing a nice job keeping the stress at bay for now.

And to not make this a complete downer of a post, I got a bit of happy news when I got home from spin and saw I'd kicked some butt on my financial analysis exam. I was pretty nervous about all the math I'd be doing in my MBA going into the program, so it's nice to see that maybe some of those fears were a little exaggerated.

So last week things around these parts were a bit of doom and gloomy courtesy of my torn meniscus. My knee was miserable in spin class and hurt off and on the rest of the week.

But last night, I noticed that my range of motion without pain or discomfort had improved a little bit, and by this morning I could bend my knee all the way with no real pain.

So I decided to give spin class a try tonight and see what happened.



Verdict: Mostly good things. Minimal to nonexistent pain or discomfort throughout the class.

Also, the class was amazing. It was 100% Halloween themed. Our instructor came in sort of in costume and played all sorts of Halloween-y/monster-themed music.

Think: Thriller, the Ghosterbusters theme song, Phantom of the Opera, etc.

Tonight's instructor is definitely vying for a spot on the top of my favorite spin instructors list. I loved her two weeks ago when I took her class too. She's upbeat and fun and always has an awesome music selection.

I might be making her class a regular on my schedule.

Other highlights of the day: I voted today because Maryland has early voting and it's the best thing ever. Who wants to wait in long lines on actual election day. Not this girl.