That Time I Ate Half a Jar of Nutella in One Sitting

by - Friday, February 01, 2013

After writing this post, I was going to go back and edit it, but sometimes I think I edit myself too much. So here you go, this is me being about as real as it gets.

This has been a rough week. Mentally, emotionally and physically I have just struggled to get through it.

Last night, I came home from work so drained, so, so exhausted and convinced I didn't have the physical energy to handle my last CrossFit class for the month. I debated the whole metro ride home in my head, trying to decide if it would be safe for me to go or if I risked dropping a weight and breaking my foot.

I came home, put on my workout clothes, hoping it would help me get out the door.

I filled my water bottle, was ready to walk down the steps to leave and just couldn't do it.

I called my mom.

"Mom, I have had the worst week ever...and I have done nothing but eat chocolate to get by."

I have literally survived on a diet of Nutella, Oreos, chocolate chip cookies and brownies this week. I'm fairly disgusted by the amount of chocolate that I have put in my body, but something inside me was just screaming for comfort food.

I feel like I've been in a tailspin this week and everything is just raging out of control. All those balls I do so well at keeping in the air most of the time....yea this week it felt like they all came crashing down on top of me.

I found out a good friend is moving across the country in a matter of days. It's for an amazing business opportunity and I'm thrilled for him, but I was pretty crushed to get the news. There's been some uncomfortable tension with another one of my friends, and Tuesday everything just sort of bubbled over.

I found myself on a mission at the grocery store to find every single comfort food I could get my hands on.

Walked out of the store with two Greek yogurts (I actually needed those), a tub of frozen Greek yogurt, a jar of Nutella and chocolate covered blueberries. Got home, and dove head first into the Nutella. No joke, polished off half of the jar standing in my kitchen. I can't remember the last time I went on stress/sadness binge that badly. And it was maybe 40 minutes after I'd finished an awesome five mile run with some friends.

It didn't seem like things got any easier as the week progressed. My car needed last minute brake repair so that I didn't accidentally slam into other cars on the Beltway. So long $400. Called the doctor's office to get the results of my blood work and they'd like me to come in for a follow up. Oh heyyyy extra stress, meet my friend Nutella, it's really good at shutting you up.

And yesterday it was just sheer exhaustion. Despite going to bed at 9:30 Wednesday night, I woke up with nothing in the tank. I struggled through the day and was taking hits from the cookie jar at the office as if I was some sort of drug addict needing my next fix....every hour, on the hour.

Pathetic. It was all around a pathetic.

That jar of Nutella -- gone in two days. I don't even want to think about how many cookies, candies and other sweets I demolished at the office.

So last night, on the phone, my mom gently mentioned that maybe after all that chocolate, it would be good to go to the gym.

In my head, I knew it was a good idea, but by that point, I had walked back to my bedroom and collapsed into my bed.

It was so comfortable. I didn't want to move.

I needed sleep.

So after convincing myself that sleep was more important, I made peace with the fact that I was going to skip the workout.

And it was then that I found myself digging for my car keys, walking down the stairs and out the door to the gym. It's like my legs had a mind of their own. My mind was not functioning well, but I found myself in my CrossFit class, figuring I'd do the best I could and give whatever little bit was left.

It wasn't much, and I struggled through a lot of the workout. But I did PR my deadlift again, increasing from last week's 103 pounds to 113 pounds last night.

I felt better when I left, like I'd done one thing that was just for me this week. It wasn't much, and I might not have had the best workout ever, but it was my time, for me and no one else. And I used it to do something that will make me stronger and healthier. No it will not cancel out the piles of chocolate I ate this week, and I will say, I felt like shit Tuesday night after eating all that Nutella. (Not because I felt guilty, but because all that sugar actually made me feel like I was about to toss my cookies.)

I know this post is rambly as hell. I don't know that it actually has a point. I just had a shitty week and I dealt with it by eating a lot of crap that's not good for me. I'm not proud of it, but hell I'm not perfect. And at least last night I went to CrossFit, and did something good for myself.

And today's a new day, and perhaps I will not hear the siren song from chocolate calling my name. Or if I do, maybe it won't be as enticing.

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  1. If you ever need to vent -- or just eat a ton of Nutella in a social setting where it's not so stigmatized -- let me know. I'm here.

  2. Laura4:33 AM

    must run in the family b/c I'm the same way ;-) TGIF and just think of how awesome this w/e will be - look forward to seeing you tomorrow before the Terps game!! <3

  3. Ugh, been there, done that. You've been around since my days in Pennsylvania, and I did that more times than I can count. Sometimes you just need some chocolate, but things will get better. And you still got in a workout!

  4. This might be you with a little push from the emotional upheaval this week.

  5. now i'm craving Oreos, chocolate chip cookies, and brownies. thanks for that.

    Having a good friend move away is never easy. It's so difficult for us to make friends as adults. Glad you got in some good "you" time!

  6. I'm so sorry you had such a bad week. But thank you for taking the suckiness and writing a really honest, relatable blog post about it. We've all been where you were this week. But not everyone actually does find themselves dragging their feet to the gym despite it all. Congratulations on being able to find that push within yourself, and try not to beat yourself up too much for the nutella. ;)

  7. Oh girl, it happens. I have found myself coming home every night this week and heading for the huge bag of doritos...or bread...or some sort of other carb I don't need. Sometimes it just happens. All we can do is dust ourselves off, take a breather, and reset for next week. Give yourself time to be sad and rest, for whatever reason, it's ok to take a break sometimes. Here's to a weekend to relax and unwind!

  8. I had a similarly discouraging week (minus the friend leaving but plus other unpleasant stuff). And as I was reviewing the previous four days this morning before hopping out of bed and into another day of not great stuff to deal with, it occurred to me that the flat out best part of my work week was the chats we had. Hearing about your teaching, celebrating your new opportunities and the camaraderie of thinking together through some challenges we had no idea we shared was really encouraging to me. So thank you for being the star in an otherwise cloudy sky this week.

    Better days are ahead! Have a wonderful, happy weekend.

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